"Betrayal isn't just a violation of trust; it's a distortion of reality that harms a partner’s dignity, sense of self, and right to the truth."
Dr. Omar Minwalla, Clinical Psychologist
Welcome
If you’re feeling disoriented, heartbroken, or like the truth keeps slipping away. You’re not imagining it, and you’re not alone.
This space is for women facing the pain of betrayal; not just infidelity, but the weight of secrecy, gaslighting, and broken trust.
When someone you love hides parts of their life, it doesn’t just hurt; it shakes your sense of safety, reality, and dignity.
You might be exhausted from trying to make sense of it all, or tired of being told it’s not that bad. Maybe you’ve been carrying it alone, wondering if it’s your fault. It’s not.
This is a place to pause, be met with understanding, and begin to reclaim your clarity and strength.
You don’t have to have it all figured out.
Just take one step.
Now is good.
Hi, I’m Jo.
I help women heal from betrayal trauma and rebuild their dignity and confidence.
As a Registered Counsellor and Coach, I support women through the deep pain, confusion, and heartbreak of betrayal; especially when it involves infidelity, secrecy, and broken trust.
Together, we gently explore what’s happened, how it’s affected you, and how to begin rebuilding your sense of safety, voice, and dignity. One step at a time.
I won’t tell you what to do or whether to stay or leave. My role is to walk alongside you as you steady yourself, reconnect with your strength, and take back the wheel of your own life.
Whether you’re looking for one-on-one support or a group that truly understands. You’ve found a place to land.
I’m so glad you’re here.
Jo
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Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT)
Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy (EFIT)
Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT)
Internal Family Systems informed therapist (IFS)
Emotion Coach (Gottman Institute)
Restorative Justice Facilitator (Resolution Institute)
Mediator (Resolution Institute)
Gallup Strengths Coach (Gallup)
Living without Violence programme facilitator (Ministry of Justice)
Infidelity & Partner Betrayal Trauma (APSATS)
What is Post Betrayal Growth?
Post Betrayal Growth offers support for women navigating the impact and aftermath of betrayal—through an online support group and specialised one-on-one counselling.
Providing a small, supportive community to help women find clarity, strength, and a way forward.
What is Betrayal?
Betrayal is when someone you trust lies, keeps secrets, or manipulates you, making you live in a relationship that’s built on dishonesty instead of truth.
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When a partner covers up their actions, tells lies, or keeps secrets about their behaviour, it destroys trust and leaves the other person feeling unsafe and confused.
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This is when a partner denies things you know happened, twists facts, or makes you doubt your own memory and instincts, causing you to question your reality.
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Instead of taking responsibility, the betraying partner blames you for their actions or makes you feel at fault for their choices, adding to your emotional pain.
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Keeping crucial details about their actions or feelings from you creates a power imbalance and prevents you from making informed decisions about your relationship.
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Maintaining a secret life—emotionally or sexually—while pretending everything is normal at home causes deep emotional wounds and ongoing anxiety.
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Actively working to control what you see, hear, or believe (such as making excuses, covering tracks, or enlisting others to support their story) erodes your confidence and sense of reality.
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When a partner hides a secret life— This intentional separation creates deep confusion, emotional pain, and ongoing anxiety, leaving a partner feeling unsafe and unable to trust what’s real in the relationship.
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Deception
Presenting as one person in public and another in private means your partner acts loving and trustworthy around others, but hides harmful or dishonest behaviour when alone with you. This double life creates confusion, mistrust, and emotional pain, making it hard to know what’s real in your relationship.
The impact of betrayal
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The lies, secrecy, deception and omissions in your relationship have got you questioning everything and trusting nothing. Feeling devastated, disorientated and unsure of your past, present and unsure if you will ever trust again.
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Strong sudden feelings like shock, anger, sadness, anxiety, and confusion can cause long-lasting stress on your mind, heart, and body, making you feel like you’re losing control.
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Feeling shame and going back and forth between blaming yourself and being critical often fills the mind, along with feelings of embarrassment and foolishness. Women often ask, “How did I miss this?” while dealing with these heavy emotions.
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Women often describe profound losses on every front—the painful deception of the past that lingers in their hearts, the fragile and vulnerable relationship they once believed they had in the present moment, and the shattered future they had once lovingly envisioned together. All of these sorrows are further compounded by the heartbreaking fallout and estrangement from friends and family, adding layers of grief and isolation to their experience.
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Women describe the shock of life changing instantly. One moment we were building a life together; the next, they were gone. Twenty years of relationship shattered in a single moment, leaving no time to fix things—like a sledgehammer to the heart.
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Besides feeling emotionally overwhelmed, you now have many practical problems to solve, like where to live, bills, mortgages, custody, businesses, and managing friends, family, and shared relationships. It feels like every part of your life needs attention all at the same time.
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Having your life suddenly fall apart overwhelms our nervous system, triggering fight, flight, or freeze responses. Long, tiring days lead to sleepless nights as the mind looks for answers and the body tries to adjust to the new reality.
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Your close relationship is deeply affected, and almost every part of life—family, friends, and finances—is also impacted, which can feel overwhelming and confusing.
"It wasn’t just a change in our relationship, it was the loss of the life I thought we were building together. One moment we were planning our future, and the next, everything collapsed, like it all meant nothing."
Anonymous
Post Betrayal Growth is ..
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Facing a crisis alone can lead to anxiety, overwhelm, and sleepless nights. Women often hesitate to invest in themselves when they feel miserable, but this is the first step to valuing themselves and their future, no matter what happens in the relationship.
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The sudden and overwhelming nature of betrayal quickly exhausts the usual strategies one might rely on to cope with stress. It is crucial for women to have a well-thought-out plan for their safety and wellbeing—one that is both solid and consistently reinforced. In moments when they feel disoriented and unsure of which way is up, this plan provides clear guidance on what steps to take and where to turn for support and protection.
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The intensity of betrayal is profound trauma. When all your usual coping strategies for navigating life are completely exhausted, what you truly need is structure, expert wisdom, and compassionate guidance—offering a safe, supportive path to survive, recover, and ultimately heal with dignity and strength.
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Women need to know that even when it feels impossible, they can survive. This pain and uncertainty can lead to something new and hopeful. Every woman needs a safe space to share her feelings, ask tough questions, face the unknown, and feel seen, heard, and understood.
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No one else has your exact story or experiences, yet meeting others and listening to their unique journeys often feels like discovering your true community. Sharing stories not only helps us build meaningful connections but also fosters personal growth and gently eases the heaviness of loneliness.
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Dealing with the daily challenges of betrayal is hard, and finding the right help can be even harder. Instead of searching online for quick fixes or spending time and money on many options, try using proven resources made specifically for your
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Besides the pain of betrayal, there are many other struggles, like pressure from friends and family to "forgive and forget," guilt-tripping with "what did you do to deserve this," or downplaying it with "it's no big deal, just get over it." Even well-meaning support can feel like another kind of betrayal.
"I look at him and think—who even is he? It’s like the life I trusted was built on things I never knew, and now I’m left questioning everything… including myself."
Anonymous
Dignity: Your Anchor Through Betrayal
Dignity in the face of betrayal is the recognition and protection of your own worth; even when someone you trusted has denied it.
It’s the courageous act of standing in your truth, refusing to internalise shame, and making choices that reflect self-respect.
Dignity means you no longer hand over your value to someone else’s treatment of you. Instead, you honour your own needs, voice, and boundaries as sacred.
Reclaiming Dignity After Betrayal
Betrayal is not a reflection of your worth. It’s a reflection of their choices.
Their actions; the lies, the secrecy, the cheating, say everything about where they are at, not who you are. You didn’t cause this. You didn’t deserve it. And your value hasn’t changed because someone else failed to honour it.
It’s easy to internalise their betrayal as proof that you weren’t enough; pretty enough, smart enough, sexual enough, calm enough. But that story isn’t yours to carry. Betrayal is about their integrity, not your inadequacy.
Your worth remains steady, even in the face of someone else’s chaos.
Their behaviour may have broken your trust, but it doesn’t get to define your identity.
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I need to be seen, accepted, and respected for who I am—not blamed, criticised, or compared. Even in pain, I want my identity and boundaries to be honoured, not questioned or minimised.
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I want my hurt, my efforts, and the emotional labour I’ve carried in this relationship to be acknowledged. Recognising my worth means seeing the impact of betrayal and not pretending everything is fine.
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I need you to truly listen—without defensiveness, distraction, or avoidance. My feelings and experiences matter. I want you to face the harm with me, not hide from it.
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Betrayal often makes me feel left out, excluded from the truth or your inner world. Repair means letting me back in—not through secrecy, but through openness and transparency I can trust.
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Emotional and psychological safety is essential. I need to feel safe to express anger, sadness, confusion, or fear without being shamed or punished. Safety means you don’t re-traumatise me by hiding or deflecting.
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I want honesty, consistency, and respect—not power plays or double standards. I need you to understand the cost of betrayal and not expect me to ‘get over it’ on your timeline.
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I need the freedom to make choices that support my wellbeing, whether that means setting boundaries, seeking help, or taking space. Please don’t try to control how I cope.
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You may not fully grasp what betrayal has done to me—but I want you to try. I want you to listen with curiosity, not defensiveness. Understanding begins with empathy, not explanation.
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Having access to truthful information, clarity, and transparency in your relationship and healing process. Without secrecy, lies and omissions.
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Dignity cannot exist without real accountability. That means no excuses. I need you to own what happened, take responsibility for rebuilding trust, and be willing to change—not just say sorry.
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Being treated with kindness, dignity, and without judgment, no matter what stage of healing you’re in.
Stronger Together:
With One-on-One & Group Support
Because healing is easier when you have a place to talk it out and people who truly get it.
Join a small group of women also navigating betrayal. No journey is exactly the same but here you will find a place of shared understanding, encouragement and wisdom.
(NZ$195 per month).
Individual therapy gives you a private space to process what’s happened, reconnect with your own voice, and make sense of things in a way that’s grounded, steady, and just for you.
"How do I trust again? Not just him, but my own instincts. I don’t know what my life is anymore, or how to move forward when everything I believed has shattered."
Anonymous
Moving from Confusion to Clarity
When you discover your partner has been unfaithful, it can feel as if the ground beneath you has given way. Suddenly, clarity disappears; you may second-guess your memory, instincts, and even your sense of reality.
Betrayal is rarely just a single event. Often, it’s a pattern of hiding, minimising, lying, and pretending; discovering a double life you were never part of.
This can leave you feeling lost, uncertain about what’s real, and burdened by confusion you didn’t cause.
You might have been told it wasn’t a big deal or blamed for what happened. But the truth is, betrayal can deeply affect your sense of safety, clarity, and dignity.
At Post Betrayal Growth, you don’t have to minimise your pain or hide your feelings. You can gently and honestly untangle what’s happened, at your own pace, and reclaim both your clarity and your dignity.
You don’t have to carry shame or stay lost in confusion. You can heal, return to yourself, and move forward with your dignity and clarity restored.
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Zero pressure you to stay, leave, forgive, or reconcile. Your choices and timing are respected, and you are supported in exploring what feels right for you.
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Your feelings, perceptions, and reactions are real and valid.
We will listen without judgment, believe your story, and honour the impact betrayal has had on your life. You won’t be dismissed, minimised, or blamed for your partner’s choices. -
You control what you share and when.
We will not rush your healing or push you to discuss things before you’re ready. Your boundaries and comfort levels are always prioritised in the therapeutic process. -
You will not be blamed for your partner’s betrayal or deception.
We will avoid language or approaches that make you feel responsible for the harm done to you. The focus is on your healing, not on assigning you fault. -
Your emotional and psychological safety comes first.
We will help you identify what you need to feel safe and empowered, whether that means setting boundaries, seeking support, or making practical decisions for your well-being.
Our promise
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